Do You Make These Common Mistakes When Talking to People?
by: Peter Murphy
Many moons ago. Talking to people was something I avoided where possible.
At the time, I did not know I was unconsciously setting myself up for failure. I kept making the same mistakes without even noticing what I was doing wrong.
You may be doing the same thing.
Here are three common mistakes together with tips on how to deal with them:
1. Judging Your Performance Against Unrealistic Standards
Be honest with yourself.
Accept that where you are now in terms of your communication skills is only your starting point - not your finishing point.
And assess your performance and your progress against your typical level of effectiveness. Not against some desired state of perfection or ultimate goal.
Goals are very important as a destination to aim for but do not use long term goals as a standard to judge your current performance against - that is a recipe for disillusionment and massive frustration.
I know. Because I tried it!
2. The Failure To Learn Each Day
As people we can be lazy. This means that a lack of follow through on our goals can go unnoticed. After all we can always catch up some other day.
This attitude will kill your dreams faster than you can spell failure.
When I started to make massive improvements in how I related to people I dedicated myself to becoming excellent.
Once I had proven strategies the rest was easy. I just applied the material each day. I improved each day because I made it a priority and because I committed to applying the material.
I also know people who learned the same peak performance strategies I learned. Today they are no farther ahead than they were years ago.
How did they pull that off?
By putting it off until another day and by neglecting to use what they had learned. Implementation is crucial.
If you do this your progress is a certainty.
3. Attempting To Be Original
Many years ago I put myself under huge pressure by expecting myself to be original with each person I met.
This is a sure-fire strategy for failure and a great way to get stressed out for no reason.
Guess what I later discovered?
There is no need to be original. You can have the same conversation all day long with different people and nobody will suspect a thing!
People are happy to talk about mundane topics because there is no effort involved.
I have lived or worked in several countries including Ireland, England, Germany, Holland, Spain and the U.S.
And everywhere I have been people are happy to talk all day about:
- the weather
- their children
- the new movie
- the family pet
- the boss
- the traffic
You get the idea!