Why Pacing and Leading is for Wimps! by: Peter Murphy
Okay, you have read some books on body language and they all said you must mirror and match, pace and lead....
And you failed miserably when you went out into the real world.
Let me tell you why and what you need to do instead. But first a story that illustrates my point...
A few years ago I moved into a very well paid position in the company where I worked. And in my new job I was dealing with company directors, business owners and senior executives -- face to face.
And to make it all even more challenging I would meet them on their territory - in their offices.
Teachers of pacing and leading would tell me to pace these executives and then to gradually lead them.
However this is the 21st century where everything happens at warp speed. You need to take charge of social interactions within the first 5 seconds or its all over.
First impressions do count.
This applies in business and in your social life. If you hesitate, wait and even... pace and lead the game will be over before you know what has happened.
Here is what you need to do:
1. Take Great Care of Yourself.
Get enough sleep, eat well and take exercise that makes you feel good on a regular basis.
Neglect your body and your emotional state will slide too.
And before you know it you will not have the energy to rise to the occasion.
Having tons of energy is absolutely crucial if you want to excel. When you feel fantastic it gets easier and easier to be at your very best whenever you choose to be.
2. Lead and then Pace!
Instead of pacing and leading do this...
Get yourself into a great emotional state FIRST. The other person will then follow your lead.
The more energetic you are, the happier you are and the more confident you are --- the easier it is to lead the other person.
You can lead in many ways including....
- being abundantly happy
- smiling and genuinely caring about the other person
- exuding enthusiasm and excitement
If as you read this you think - hang on, what has this got to do with communication?
It has everything to do with it.
93% of communication is non-verbal. Remember that.
That is why I place so much emphasis on mental and emotional states - if you donīt grasp this, knowing what to say will not matter because you will be gripped by fear, indecision and insecurity.
3. Take the Discussion Where You Want it to Go
Many people are far too passive when it comes to making polite conversation.
Why?
Because you have unconscious rules that dictate what is acceptable. You may even have old patterns running in your mind that are no longer appropriate e.g. only speak when spoken to; donīt talk to strangers.
I hereby give you permission to break these rules!
The way to get started with being more adventurous is as follows...
First of all, notice that you have a habit of letting other people dictate the flow of conversation.
Then, in a small way start being more proactive and suggest new topics of conversation or new directions to go in.
At this point do not concern yourself with whether or not the person you are talking to follows your lead.
Just get comfortable with making suggestions.
If you are already living these principles you are having great success in all your dealings with other people.
If you are not -- you have room to get even better.
Listen!.
I was really not much good at dealing with people until I committed to mastering this crucial life skill.
You can get better and you will when you aim to improve even a little each and every day AND you apply proven techniques.
