by: Wayne and Tamara




Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 6, 2004


Last Friday night I was caught with another woman by my girlfriend. When my longtime girlfriend came to my house, I told her I was going to bed early. She suspected something and came back to find this woman in my house. We had been cheating for about a year. The other woman didn't know either.


My girlfriend had a fit. She cursed me up and down and told me she wanted to hit me. After about 30 minutes of that, she left. On the way out she keyed my car. Then the other lady had her say. Mostly she could not believe I would do this to her.


I felt as low as I could feel. I felt so bad for my girlfriend. It hurt me so bad. I finally realized she is what I was searching for in a woman. I need her in my life. But she may never speak to me again. She may never look at me again with those big eyes. That thought feels like a knife cutting me inside.


Why did I do it? I look back now and know it was because of ego and lust. I didn't go after the other lady. She came after me. I backed off several times, but she kept coming so I gave in. When that woman asked me several times if I was seeing someone, I said I had a friend but nothing heavy.


This was hard on me, very hard. I carried around a lot of guilt which made me angry toward my girlfriend. My girlfriend knew something was up. She also kept telling me if I was interested in someone else to tell her. But I didn't want to lose her.


I told my pastor, and he prayed for us. He tried to call my girlfriend, but she would not answer the phone because she thinks it's me. Now my question is, how do I get my girlfriend back?


Matthew


Matthew, there's an old saying that there are no atheists in a foxhole. For a year you did something your religion tells you not to do, but did you see your pastor then? No. You saw him after you got caught. Ask yourself if the god you worship isn't the god called self-interest.


You seek to use your pastor as a Trojan horse, but the Trojan horse was not a gift. It was a trick. You want to use your pastor to get your girlfriend back. You want her to forgive you. But forgiveness does not imply she needs to take you back, and she would be foolish to do it.


You would still be cheating if your girlfriend hadn't caught you. You blame the other woman even though you lied to her. That woman thought she had a boyfriend, when all you were doing was using her for sex.


If you don't suffer consequences, you won't learn not to do this again. You will learn you can cheat and get away with it.


Wayne & Tamara

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.